It's A Long Way Down (Reupload)
by serenitystories
Summary: Just a Chronicles of Narnia fanfic focusing mainly on Edmund and Peter's relationship through The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Mainly movie verse, although it may differ. Hurt/Comfort. No slash. This is a rewritten and re-uploaded version of the story from my old account LittlestBlackStar13
1. Chapter 1

Hello! I'm back here after some years with a different account and different and new ideas and (hopefully) better writing skills! I lost acces to my old account (LittlestBlackStar13) so I decided to create a new one and reupload a rewritten version of my old story from that account and so here I am now.

I'll try to upload frequently now and I don't plan on abandoning this story again.

If any of you read my story on my old account, I'm very sorry for abandoning it for some time, I hope you can forgive me! If this is your first time reading this story, I hope you like it!

I would appreciate some reviews and feedback, or some suggestions and criticism concerning this story and/or my writing. English is not my first language, so please bear with me if there are any visible mistakes.

I DON'T OWN ANYTHING

With all that being said, I hope you enjoy the first chapter!

* * *

The sky was darkened by the clouds and full of german planes that were dropping bombs at the already damaged streets of London. The sirens were wailing and together with the explosions they created a deafening amount of noise. Edmund Pevensie stood by the window, looking out at the horrifying sights before him. Everywhere he looked there was death and destruction. And he had no way of knowing if he wouldn't be the next one to fall into it's hands. And that was the most terrifying part. He tried not to think of that, tried to look away, but he couldn't seem to do that. He tried to think of something pleasant but his thoughts only seemed to take a darker turn.

At some point he ended up thinking back to the times before the war had started and how different it all was. Back then all he felt was love and happiness. Now there was only an empty soul and a shattered heart. There once was a real family but now there's only a shell of it left, cracking at the edges. Once, he could seek the comfort and warmth of his older brother. Now all he had was the cold and empty loneliness consuming him day by day.

'Why can't you be here for me when I need you?'

_6 year old Edmund was sitting in the small chair in his room, staring out of the window at the clear, blue sky and the clouds slowly passing by. He was bored out of his mind, not having much to do by himself. Susan wouldn't play with him, because she preferred reading in her room, Lucy was too young to play with, momma was busy in the kitchen, daddy was at work and Peter was still in school._

_Edmund had played with the toy train that his daddy got him for Christmas last year, but he got bored of playing alone. He had been outside, playing football with some of the boys from the neighborhood but not for long, because it quickly started raining. He tried to finish the book that Susan had borrowed him, but it wasn't that interesting. He wanted to play a game but no one could play with him and he didn't want to play alone. So he simply ran out of activities to do._

_That left him with staring aimlessly out of the window at the rain pouring down from the sky, but he got bored of that, too. He sighed and laid his head on his arms, turning his gaze from the sky to their small garden and the road that run next to their house. He really wished that his brother would already come home from school, because Edmund knew that Peter would play with him. And he loved spending time with Peter, it was never boring. And when their momma came to remind Peter to do his homework, Edmund would always come with him to watch or ask questions about school. And then, after the homework was done and after the supper was eaten, they would run back to their room and lay down on Peter's bed and Peter would always tell him stories about magical creatures or pirates or kings and little Edmund would always listen intently, never averting his wide dark brown eyes from his brother's shining blue ones._

_Edmund smiled incontrollably at the thought. He knew that he was the luckiest boy on earth to have such an amazing older brother as Peter. He looked up to him in so many ways and he knew that whenever he needed anything, his brother would always be there for him. And he also tried to be there for Peter, even if he was still very young, inexperienced and may have not known everything, but whenever Peter had a bad day, Edmund tried his best to cheer him up. Even if they sometimes disagreed and sometimes fought, they always made up in the end and Edmund thought that they both would never throw away the bond that they shared and would never give each other up to anyone or anything._

_The boy was shaken out of his thoughts by the sound of the door opening. His head instantly shot back to the door and a wide smile made its way onto his face when he saw that it was Peter who walked in._

_"Pete!" He instantly got up from the chair and run up to the older boy, wrapping his arms around his brother's torso._

_"It's good to see you too, Eddie." Peter laughed and hugged his little brother back. After a while he pulled away to look at Edmund._

_"I was waiting for you, because I was bored and no one would play with me." Edmund told his older brother. "So will you play with me, Peter, please?" He asked sweetly with a look on his face that he knew Peter could never resist._

_Peter chuckled, ruffling Edmund's hair slightly. "Okay, okay, what do you wanna play, Eddie?" He asked, smiling fondly at his little brother._

_"I wanna play hide and seek!" The younger boy exclaimed with a wide grin on his face._

_"Alright, hide and seek it is, then." Peter grinned playfully and then turned around, covered his eyes and started counting._

_"One… Two… Three…"_

_The younger boy started giggling happily and he was out of the room the very next second, searching for the perfect hiding spot._

_The six year old Edmund Pevensie hoped that he could stay this happy forever._

Now, as the ten year old Edmund Pevensie stood there by the window in the living room looking out at the sky alone, with nothing but a mere shadow of the happiness that once was there, he knew that he had hoped for too much.

'It's not like that matters anymore...' He scoffed at the memory, trying to prevent his heart from aching at that old memory that seemed to be so distant now. 'I don't care about that anymore.' He told himself, trying to get rid of other memories that seemed to flood his head now. However, he had no more time to change the subject of his thoughts because his mother walked into the room right at that moment.

"Edmund! Get away from there!" She shouted when he saw him standing by the window and ran up to him, pulling him away from the window and shutting the curtains frantically.

"Peter!" She called loudly for his older brother and then turned her attention back to him. "What do you think you're doing?!" She shouted worriedly and grabbed him by his arms, shaking them lightly. He didn't have any time to answer because Peter ran into the room.

"Peter, get him quickly to the shelter, now!" Their mother instructed his older brother, who instantly started pulling Edmund along with him.

"Wait, no!-" Edmund tried to protest and wriggle away from Peter's firm arms, because he didn't even have the time to take any of his stuff from the house since he got a little bit carried away with the reminiscing. He tried to tug but to no avail, because he was only pulled in an even stronger manner by Peter.

"Come on!" Peter raised his voice and this time pulled Edmund along with him, running out of the room. In the matter of seconds they were out of it, with their mother following right behind them. No sooner than a few seconds later did they find themselves in the hallway, where they nearly ran into Susan with a crying Lucy clutching tightly to her older sister's arm. Their mother threw the door open and they all quickly ran out, in the direction of the shelter. They were halfway through when suddenly Edmund stopped in his tracks and turned around.

"Wait, dad!" He just now remembered about his dad's photo that was still left in the room. Maybe it was because of the whole daze of noise, fear and hurry but it totally slipped his mind. However he could not and would not leave it inside right now that he remembered it was still there. It was too important to him. So he just started running back to the house, not caring that the sirens were starting to wail louder now and that even more planes were visible up in the sky.

"Ed!" Peter shouted after him and grabbed onto his clothes to hold him down and prevent him from running. But Edmund didn't want to go to the shelter. Not without his father's photo. That was the only thing that the boy had left reminiscent of the man ever since he had joined the army. So no, Edmund Pevensie wouldn't stop trying to get it back. And so, merely a second later he felt Peter's hand lose it's grip on his clothes and so he just ran. Not looking back at anything, just focused on getting to the house.

His family was screaming for him to get back and some other things, but he didn't care. He barely heard them anyways, because of the loud ringing in his ears and the frantic beating of his heart. He was scared, very scared, but he had to get to the house no matter what.

He heard Peter screaming his name and it was very close. Was he running after him? Edmund thought so, but he didn't look back. He didn't have the time to, as in the next second he found himself right by the door, opening them quickly and running into the house and then into the living room. And now he knew that Peter was right on his heels, but it wasn't important. 'Dad, dad, I have to get the photo, I have to.' The thought was screaming in his mind and, at that moment, it was the only relevant one.

The boy got to the small table in a matter of seconds. His racing heart started calming down, as he told himself that it would be alright. But just as he was reaching out to get the photo, things got out of control. He heard his brother screaming loudly for him to get down, and then he felt Peter push him down and fall on top of him. At the same time there was also the deafening noise of the wailing sirens and an explosion, that ranged very close - _too_ close if Edmund was honest - and the sound of a shattering window, and he felt shards of glass falling on top of him, some even embodying themselves into his skin and he covered his face and his head desperately trying to shield it, letting go of his father's photo in the process.

'No no no, I can't let it go, I can't leave it here.' The younger boy reached for the photo, his fingers barely brushing against it. 'Come on, just a little bit more!' He reached again and this time he got a hold of the frame just as Peter was lifting him up quickly from the ground.

"Come on, you idiot! Run!" Peter's loud yelling and the sirens that were still wailing along with Edmund's frantic heartbeat and the adrenaline rush and fear were making the younger boy dizzy, pounding in his head and taking his breath away. Peter was dragging the young boy alongside himself and soon they made it out of the house, running as if their life depended on it. Because honestly, if Edmund was to be honest, it really did at that moment.

"Hurry up!" Their mother was still standing out in front of the shelter and shouted frantically. When they reached the shelter, Peter pushed Edmund inside, a little too roughly, which - combined with the speed that they reached the shelter with made Edmund tumble to the ground. He landed harshly on his right side, letting ago of his dad's photo in the process. It fell to the ground with a silent 'crack' sound. Edmund was breathing heavily and whimpering from the overwhelming amount of emotions and action that took place in the last few minutes. His pounding heart could barely calm itself down.

"You're so selfish! You could have got ourselves killed!" Peter yelled at him, making him wince slightly. That was the last thing he needed at that moment. He didn't want to deal with Peter's angry remarks and attitude at that moment.

"Stop it!" Thankfully, their mother scolded Peter and he instantly became quiet. Edmund was still on the ground, breathing heavily and grabbing onto his dad's photo. He couldn't bring himself to get up, still not feeling completely alright after everything that happened. His mother helped him up to a sitting position and brought him closer to herself, gently stroking his hair and trying to comfort him.

"Why can't you just do as you're told?" Peter asked in a much quieter tone, a little bit calmer now. Edmund wanted to glare at his older brother, but he was still scared and was still whimpering slightly, so it didn't work too well. Besides, he was starting to feel tired and he didn't want to anger Peter any further. 'Then why can't you do as you're told? If you didn't want to die so much, you shouldn't have ran after me.' He thought to himself, slightly annoyed. But yet, he didn't say a word. And he never answered his brother's question, he just staying silent the whole time. Peter just seemed to give up hope on getting his brother to answer, so he just closed the door sharply, annoyed that Edmund seemed to ignore him. Silence filled the room.

After a while their mother decided to break the silence by telling her children to rest now that everything was alright and the terrors of that day seem to have passed. She then helped Edmund stand up, giving him one last quick hug before breaking away and going over to her two daughters to help Susan comfort Lucy who, at some point, started crying from the overload of emotions.

Edmund walked over slowly to one of the beds, clutching the photograph of his father tightly in his hands. He didn't care that the broken glass was hurting his hands and he didn't care that he was cut and bruised from the shattered window. He simply moved to curl up in the corner of the bed with his father's photo beside him. He just wanted the war to end and his dad to come back. Before the war broke out a year ago, Edmund loved his father just as much as he used to love Peter back then. But everything had just crumbled down to the ground ever since then.

When he first started school, just as the war broke out in the middle of Europe, everything was still fine. But then his dad had to leave for military a few months later and Edmund was emotionally on edge the whole time. He would constantly get into flights with his family, and they would fight back. They didn't try to understand, so he didn't bother to explain himself. And then he started hanging out with a bunch of older boys who used to pick on the younger and more vulnerable kids. It only worsened his relationship with his family, but he didn't care. He started being just like those bullies - rude, uncaring, and cold. And so, he would shout at Peter more frequently, he would make some snarky remarks at Susan or sometimes steal her books and he would be cruel to Lucy in any way he could think of.

But sometimes when he would lay awake in bed at night, feeling completely lost and alone, and it would all start to dawn on him - he would sometimes hate himself for the person he has become, feeling his conscience screaming at him. He would hate all those tears he had caused Lucy, all those ugly words he said to Susan and all the heartache that he caused his mother. And he would hate the fact that he lost a friend he had in Peter. He would hate the fact that even though he had people to hang out with, none of them seemed to care about him for real. He would hate the fact that he didn't have his father with him to help him through the day. And so sometimes he would cry. But only when nobody could see or hear.

But in the end he would remember what caused him to be the person that he was. He would remember how every time he needed a little bit of comfort Peter would just yell at him and tell him he was busy, he would remember how Susan would just show her annoyance as much as it was possible or just completely ignore him and he would remember how every time their mother seemed to somehow not notice that and just do nothing. And he would remember how he learned to hide his emotions because of that. And he would remember that every time he talked with Lucy he was forced to face them when he didn't want to. And he started hating her for that. When he remembered, he told himself that he hated them all. And so it kept on going and going in circles, never changing and never leaving him.

Feelings were embarrassing and if they came to light nobody would understand, that's why it's better to hide them deep inside of you. That's what everyone made him believe and that's what he accepted as a truth. So when a lone tear of frustration rolled down his cheek, he wiped it quickly, annoyed with himself for even letting it happen. He hoped nobody saw. He hoped they weren't able to. After all, Susan and Lucy were sitting on the other bunk bed with their mother calming Lucy down and Peter was at the desk, trying to get rid of some small glass shards from his hand, probably from the shattered window.

Edmund winced slightly when he remembered that he also got hurt because of the glass and will probably need to have it treated, too. He seemed to ignore the slight discomfort from the small wounds and didn't pay attention to that when he got lost in his thoughts. But yet, he didn't want to have it done. He didn't want to move from his spot, he didn't need Peter or his mother to care for him. He didn't feel like talking to them or being with them. He could just maybe take care of himself later, alone. So when Peter finished he just really hoped that he would forget about him. And when Peter finished and got up from the chair, walking over to their sisters and mother, Edmund felt relieved. But not for long, because after a while, Peter glanced in his direction and walked over slowly to Edmund's bed, crouching down by it.

"Are you alright, Ed? Did you get hurt?" Peter questioned him and Edmund really wished that he would just leave him alone.

"I'm fine." He snapped, turning away from his brother.

"Let me see." Peter reached out his hand towards his little brother, but Edmund just moved away, squeezing himself even further into the corner of the bed.

"Ed, let me see." Peter said, a little bit too harshly. He must have realized that the second the words left his mouth, because then he sighed and changed his tone for a softer one. "Ed, please. Don't make this any more difficult."

Edmund just wanted to snort. He was not making the situation more difficult, he was making it even easier, for the both of them. If Peter had just left him alone, he wouldn't have to be bothered with him and Edmund would have been glad, because he wouldn't need to deal with his brother. But instead of snorting he just sighed heavily, turning his head away in the opposite direction. He didn't want to get into an argument right now.

And that turned out to be a mistake on his part, because Peter took Edmund looking away as chance to get a hold of his younger brother's hands. The younger boy instantly wanted to free them from his brother's hold, but Peter didn't let him, so he just gave up with an annoyed huff.

Peter was quiet while examining Edmund's hands and then he got to work, getting rid of the small pieces of glass hurting his younger brother's hands with some tweezers. It didn't escape his attention that Edmund's hands were tense in his own and he wanted to believe that it was just because he had shards of glass being taken out, but something told him that it was not the only reason. Peter knew that the tension ran way deeper than that. Ever since a year ago, they've always been tense around each other.

So Peter stayed quiet. He didn't try to apologize for lashing out at his little brother earlier. He didn't try to explain his emotions and why he did that. He didn't try to say anything. 'Maybe we'll come around to that someday.' He thought. 'Just... Not yet. Now's not the best time.' And so he continued to work silently untill he was done taking care of Edmund's hands. He let them go and the younger boy instantly pulled away. None of them said anything and an awkward silence overcame them. Peter was searching for something he could say that would maybe make things better, but his mind was blank. So he just sighed and was about to leave his brother be, when his eyes fell on the frame holding their dad's photo, that was laying on the bed beside Edmund.

He knew that his little brother loved their father very deeply and he knew that he didn't take it too well when the man had to leave to serve in the military. It was hard for them all, but it seemed to be the hardest for Edmund. That's why he should've expected Edmund not to leave the house without that photograph, but then again he wasn't thinking about things like those when they were in such grave danger. He just cared about getting his family to safety and nothing else mattered.

He reached for the frame to get rid of the excess shattered glass, to prevent his brother from hurting himself on it again, but Edmund's hand instantly shot out, moving the framed photograph out of Peter's reach. He didn't want Peter to take it away from him. The older boy moved his hand back slightly and spoke in a gentle manner.

"I'm not going to take it, I just want to get rid of the broken glass." He hoped that Edmund would believe him that it really wasn't in his intention to take it away, because he knew how much it meant to his brother.

After staring at Peter for a while Edmund reluctantly gave him the photo frame and watched as his brother removed the shards of glass carefully and then returning the photo with the frame after he was finished. Edmund took it quickly in his hands and clutched it tightly.

Peter got up from his previous position and after a short while he sighed and walked away to get rid of the broken glass, leaving Edmund by himself. The younger boy turned over to face the wall and sighed quietly. He felt his eyes filling up with unshed tears and he shut his eyes tightly trying to prevent them from falling down his face. Trying to suppress the emotions he imprisoned inside of his soul. No, he couldn't afford to let them loose now.

He heard his mother and Peter talking in hushed voices and shuffling around the shelter. Lucy had probably gone to sleep already then, maybe along with Susan. Then he felt the mattress shift under somebody's weight and he felt somebody lying down next to him. For a moment he was confused but then he remembered that they had to share beds in the shelter, since there was so little space here. And that meant he would have to sleep with his older brother. 'Great…' He thought bitterly. He really didn't like that idea.

Edmund felt the warmth radiating off his brother and he was afraid that he would break at any second now, letting down the dam that held his tears and shattering the cage he built for his emotions. It was at times like these when he longed the most for the comforting touch of his brother and for everything to go back to how it was before. He felt so terribly vulnerable and alone in moments like those that he could barely contain himself. And that's why he couldn't afford to care.

'Stop being so pathetic and weak.' Edmund scoffed in his thoughts at himself. 'You're not supposed to care.' He repeated those words over and over again to shake himself out of his previous thoughts. 'He doesn't, so why should you? It's better that way.' He desperately tried to think about something else and just fall asleep, but he still felt that warmth next to him and it kept distracting him, kept making him feel things he told himself he shouldn't be feeling.

In the end, he wasn't able to get much sleep that night, wondering if anything could be alright again.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day was a blur for Edmund. He didn't get any sleep and it was difficult enough to function while being sleep deprived. So as they were getting out of the shelter at the dusk of dawn he nearly tripped, earning an annoyed remark from Susan and a glance from Peter. He just chose to ignore them, not wanting to be bothered with another argument when he was barely thinking clearly.

He looked down on the ground, partially to watch where he was going, so that he wouldn't trip again, but partially because he didn't want to see the results of last night's chaos and horrors. It was a horrible sight. Some of the houses, standing just a few blocks away, were either completely collapsed or had only a few walls left standing that were barely holding up. Some of the closer houses were more fortunate, bearing only a few holes in the walls or the roofs and shattered windows.

Their house turned out to be in a great state compared to some of the other ones, having only a few shattered windows and a small part of the roof collapsed. It was a great relief for the whole family, because they hadn't lost their place to live. Edmund thought that they got really lucky to have found their own house in such a good state in those circumstances. After all they'd at least still have a roof over their heads now.

However, all his positive thinking had crumbled down when some time later a general knocked on their door with the announcement that all children must be sent off to the countryside, for safety reasons. It wasn't any good news at all, especially for Lucy, who seemed to cry the whole night after she found out. He himself only managed to fall asleep when the night was coming to an end - still not quite processing or realizing what was going to happen the next day. Too dazed to let the reality settle in inside of his head.

But now when they were already standing on a very crowded train station, with all of their things packed, Edmund realized that it was it now. They would be leaving in a few minutes. Without their mother. And they would be by themselves, alone in an unfamiliar place, not even sure if they would be able to come back. It suddenly hit him quite hard. It was a goodbye, that didn't really have anything 'good' in itself. Goodbyes have never been good.

There was a part of Edmund that didn't want to go. He wanted to stay in London, with their mother and live here just like he did before - in the familiarity of his home. But at the same time he knew that he didn't have a choice, and it was necessary for them all to leave for their own safety. To be honest, he knew he should've expected that. After all the last bombing was a really serious one. But that didn't mean that he had to like the idea of leaving. He could disagree with it all that he wanted. 'Although maybe not out loud.' He thought. He didn't need Peter to get annoyed with him over that.

The boy barely registered their mother coming over to him to hang a card with an address on his coat. It was necessary for them to know where to get off the train and who they were supposed to be staying with. 'Not like any of them would be good, anyways' pessimistic thoughts have been filling his head ever since the last morning. But to be honest, when have they not? He was always the one to think and see the darkest scenarios. His glass of water always seemed half-empty.

His gaze locked on a poster hanging on the opposite wall. Help the children - that was the title. He had to contain the urge to just scoff at it. 'Yeah, just end the war and you'll help all the children.' He thought to himself sourly. Edmund could never understand why the war had to happen, even though he was more of a rational thinker. But still, he never saw a good reason behind starting wars. They never brought anything good with them and they never solved any issues. They just made everything worse. And most importantly, a war took his father away from him and his family to serve in the military, to fight for the country. He couldn't ever be alright with that.

"If dad were here, he wouldn't let us go." He said looking away from the poster and down on the ground. And that's when he realized that he made a mistake by speaking his thoughts out loud, because right then Peter's loud, annoyed voice spoke up.

"If dad were here, and the war was over we wouldn't have to go!" Edmund's head turned from the ground to face Peter and he just glared at his older brother. 'Why do you always have to comment like that on everything I say?' His eyes and thoughts screamed, but he didn't say another word out loud. He didn't plan to make Peter mad. He even told himself earlier that he wouldn't say anything like that in front of Peter, but it just slipped before he realized what he had done. 'I should have just kept quiet.'

"You will isten to your brother, Edmund, won't you?" His mother asked him expectantly and he glanced at her briefly just to look down to the ground the next second without an answer. He couldn't promise her that. He didn't want to have to listen to Peter. But she wouldn't understand that, she never seemed to. So he figured that staying quiet would be better than making empty promises or explaining himself.

When she didn't get an answer their mother sighed quietly and changed her positions from crouching down to standing up. She hugged him and was about give him a kiss on the cheek, but he pulled away, scoffing quietly. He didn't need to feel his mother's gentle kiss on his face. It would only rouse his feelings even more. And he didn't want that. 'I don't need that.' He told himself repeatedly, trying not to think about the way his mother seemed to freeze for a moment and then hesitantly and very lightly kiss the top of his head, letting go of him the next second. 'I don't need that.'

Edmund looked down on the ground after she walked away from him and over to Peter. He felt his eyes sting and he desperately tried to blink away the wetness welling up inside of them before anyone noticed anything. 'Just stop letting your feelings control you!' His thoughts screamed at him, he was angry with that side of himself that he considered weak and pathetic. He quickly wiped his eyes with his hand, figuring that nobody would probably pay attention to him anyways, too caught up in the farewells. At least he hoped that it was true.

He looked up just as their mother and Susan broke away from their hug. She was still looking at her children for a moment, with tears in her eyes, trying really hard not to break down, while they were looking at her. It was that part of a goodbye, when everyone had already said everything they could say, but nobody wanted to make a move to walk away. After all, it wasn't easy. For any of them. Edmund tried to take another look at his mother - maybe even the last one, he had no way of knowing that - but he couldn't bring himself to make proper eye contact with her. It was too difficult.

"Alright." The woman realized that, no matter how hard it was, they had to let go of each other and she decided to break the silence. "Off you go." She smiled briefly, as the last farewell, trying to show them that it was alright and was going to be alright in the future, too. And so she watched as her children took their suitcases slowly and reluctantly made their way towards the train, leaving her behind.

Peter took Lucy by her hand, so that she wouldn't get lost in the thick mass of other children and their mothers, grandparents or aunts. Edmund walked in the middle, between them both and Susan, who - at some point - grabbed his hand and pulled him with her. He hated it. It made him feel like a small, vulnerable child who couldn't take care of himself.

"Hey, get off! I know how to get on the train by myself!" He protested, trying to free his hand from Susan's hold, but his older sister didn't let him. "Get off!" He raised his voice and still continued to tug untill they came over to a lady that was checking tickets.

"May I have your tickets, please?" She asked them in a monotonous voice. Peter, who had the tickets didn't seem to hear or notice her, staring at a group of soldiers that just got onto the train platform, he was completely lost inside of his head. "Tickets, please!" The lady repeated in a louder way, trying to get Peter's attention. 'What on earth is he doing?' Edmund thought to himself, annoyed, containing the urge to nudge his brother back to the present moment.

"Peter!" Suzan hissed at her older brother and took away the tickets from his hand. That's when he seemed to shake out of his daze, but not completely because he was still pretty absent-minded, glancing at the soldiers from time to time. 'Well, at least Susan's still thinking clearly.'

"On you go." The woman said after taking their tickets and made a gesture towards the way they were supposed to go. Susan started walking, still holding Edmund's hand and pulling him behind her. He wished she would just let him go, but it didn't seem possible to free his hand from her strong grip. Edmund glanced back for a second and he heard Peter thank the lady absent-mindedly and saw his older brother following him and Susan with Lucy right at his heels.

It was difficult to go through the crowd because there were just so many people saying their last goodbyes or moving towards the train. So many people with unshed tears filling their eyes. So many people who now were meant to face the wrath of loneliness and sadness. So many people uncertain of whether today's goodbyes wouldn't be the last words they get to say to their family members.

It was a harsh reality, one that was difficult to accept and one that came with pain. And as Edmund was looking at the faces of the people he passed, he felt his emotions try to get out of the cages he had put them in deep inside of his soul. He felt them trying to take control over him and let him cry, so that he would allow himself to feel the pain and sorrow for himself, and for others. But his mind wouldn't let them through. And so they remained hidden inside of him.

Before he realized it, they had already got on the train. It was overflowing with children of all ages, who were trying to get to the closest windows just to wave at their families for the last time, to be able to look at their faces once again. It was one giant mass of girls and boys shouting their last goodbyes, crying without any sign of stopping and pushing through other children just to get their chance to stand by the window and wave.

Edmund saw Lucy run right into that chaos, tugging Peter's hand and urging him to follow, which he did without any hesitation. He felt Susan finally let go of him and follow right behind their older brother and younger sister. And as he stood there, and watched as his siblings joined that wild mass and melt in with the crowd he felt the urge to do the same. So he took a few steps forward.

Then he felt the train starting to move and his stomach dropped a little. The realization hit him once again, but this time even harder. That may be the end. The end to all his future memories connected to this place. For all that he knew, those may be the last of his memories of their mother. So at that moment, even though he didn't like the idea of being squished between hundreds of other children, Edmund ran up to the closest window, with the same intention as everybody else.

He knew that sometimes he didn't really get along well with his mother, he knew that sometimes he caused her pain and heartache and he knew that he wasn't supposed to let his feelings show, but right now it didn't seem to matter, because despite all of this she was still his mother, she was still the woman who raised him and loved him. So he finally allowed himself to let some of his emotions loose.

He saw the backs of his siblings by the window and he got closer, with the hope of being able to look outside. But no matter how hard he tried to squeeze himself further to look out of the window, he would always be pushed away, further from the spot he was trying to get to. He barely managed to get his hand out and tried to wave, but there wasn't really much room for him to do that and his hand started hurting from being squished between his brother's body and the edge of the window.

'Come on Peter, let me through, too!' He thought to himself desperately, trying to get his head out of the window to look. He barely caught a glimpse of some people he didn't know, but there was no sign of his mother. His hope of seeing her one last time was fading very quickly. He caught the glimpse of the last people standing on the platform and then there were only the glimpses of the buildings. He realized that his attempt to get through was just futile. He wasn't going to see his mother again before he left. He felt regret clenching at his heart. Regret, that he hadn't said a proper goodbye, that he hadn't had a proper look at her before he left.

It was making him feel sick with guilt in a way that he hadn't felt before. It wasn't like some occasional flashes of guilt that would usually go away after a while. No, it was much more lasting, much more evident and stronger. It was staring to get out of hand, so he felt like had to silence it. He tried to lead his thoughts away from it, he tried not to think at all, but it wasn't an easy thing to do. And it didn't really help that he was also angry. Angry at his siblings for not letting him through to look out too.

He turned away from the window while trying to calm himself. He noticed that the crowd of children started getting smaller. They've all already lost sight of their families, so there was nothing left for them by the windows. Most of them had now gone off to find a place they could settle in for the journey. Some of them still stayed, looking out even though there was nobody to be seen now. His siblings were already turning away from the window and leaving.

Edmund just followed them, with his head hung low, with his guilt and anger a little bit calmer now. He felt tired all of a sudden, but not physically, rather emotionally. Like he had just been wrestling something. And to be honest, he kind of did. He fought with his emotions the whole time, to keep them at bay, to not let them out. It took a toll on him, it was just exhausting. But he figured that once they found a place to settle in for the ride, he would be able to get some sleep and, hopefully, it would make him feel better.

It took them a good few minutes to find a compartment in which all of them would fit. Most of the other ones were already filled or had enough place for only one more person and none of the siblings really liked the idea of being alone among strangers. Even Edmund felt that way. This one, however had only two children - a young boy and girl - occupying it, which provided just enough space for everyone.

Peter slid the doors open and let Lucy come in first with her suitcase. Then he came right after her to help her put the suitcase in the luggage rack above their heads. Edmund was the next one to come in with his baggage. Peter reached out to help him with it, too, but Edmund yanked the suitcase away from his older brother while glaring at him with slightly. 'I can do it myself.' He thought, putting it next to the one that belonged to Lucy. He then moved over so that Susan would be able to come in and he sat down right next to the window.

After a moment Susan and Peter were done with placing their things in the luggage rack and they all sat down. Susan and Lucy were sitting near each other next to Edmund and Peter ended up next to the two children. The boy and the girl, who were staring at the Pevensies silently the whole time ever since they walked in, now turned their gazes away. Nobody really felt like breaking the silence that filled the air. Nobody seemed to be in the mood for conversations.

Edmund looked out of the window, not really having anything else to do. He watched as they passed the last buildings of London. A sense of melancholy filled him at the sight of the place he grew up in slowly disappearing and turning into the sight of lone trees and meadows. It seemed like it was going to be a very long journey. It wasn't what Edmund would've liked, because he would be left to drown in his own thoughts. He just hoped that sleep would come to him quickly.

But, as it turned out, falling asleep on a train in a sitting position was just impossible. He kept trying to find a comfortable enough position, but to no avail. He sighed quietly and decided that he would give up for now. Maybe sleep will take over him later. He glanced out of the corner of his eye at his sisters sitting next to him. He saw Lucy leaning on Susan, with her back turned to Edmund, so he couldn't really see her face, but she was breathing evenly, so he guessed that she could be sleeping.

He couldn't help but look at them and he just felt his heart clench painfully at the sight. It reminded him too much of all the times he used to lean like that on Peter when he was too tired and wanted to sleep. He would feel his brother's warmth spread all over him and take him to the wonderful world of dreams. It wasn't really that long ago since they've stopped doing that, barely one year, but to Edmund it felt like ages have passed since then.

He averted his eyes, looking at the landscapes they were passing by, hoping that they would take his thoughts off his brother. He has had enough of dealing with his emotions, at least for the rest of the day and he didn't want to start struggling with them again. But it didn't seem to work the way he would want it to, because everything seemed to rouse his emotions that day, even the mere sight of his siblings. It made him long for the love he had buried in the past.

Sighing, he watched the lush green meadows, the enormous trees and the lazily wandering clouds and he was taking in the calmness. It felt so peaceful, like it hadn't seen any horrors yet, so different from what he had left behind. But he felt like that's what he needed right now. To calm him down, to take his mind off everything, to lull him to sleep. 'At this point I might just be begging for sleep.' He chuckled internally, in a humorless way.

He didn't know how much time had passed, but soon the train started slowing down and a small train station came to view. A few children got off the train and were waiting for somebody to pick them up. Edmund moved in his seat to change his position, feeling his body getting a little sore. He already wanted to get off, but they still had at least a few hours journey before them.

After a moment the train started moving again and the previous landscapes returned to view, with the addition of occasional pastures or lone farm animals grazing in the distance, lazily picking at the grass. Edmund closed his eyes and rested his head on his hand. hoping that it would induce the sleep to take over his tired mind. And soon enough he yawned as he felt the tiredness taking over him and inducing him to sleep.

He dozed off for a while, and the next thing he knew was the sudden jerk of the train as it came to a stop. The unexpected change in its movement made Edmund shake out of sleep completely. He looked around with a confused gaze and the first thing he noticed was that the two children they were sharing the compartment with were no longer sitting next to Peter. He looked out of the window and was surprised to find that they have already stopped at another train station. That meant he must've been sleeping for much longer than he thought he was. He had no idea which station it could've been already and what hour it was.

He noticed the two children standing on the platform with their luggage, waiting for someone to take them. And then an elderly couple came up to them. He felt slight worry crawling up his skin when he saw how roughly the couple treated the two children. The man checked the boy's address card and took him harshly by the hand, yanking him behind himself. The woman checked the girl's address card twice and made a rapid move with her hand to urge her to go, pushing her impatiently to move faster when the young girl started walking.

Edmund couldn't help but glance worriedly at Peter. He didn't really plan to, it was a gut reaction, he was pretty distressed after witnessing that. His older brother looked at him the very second that Edmund did, as if on cue. And the younger boy didn't know why he felt like Peter knew exactly what was going through his head right now, as if in that particular moment he could read his younger brother like an open book.

'What if we also end up with people like those?' Edmund eyes seemed to ask. He didn't want to be treated so roughly by some strangers they would be staying with. That possibility was more unpleasant than anything else. And maybe it was the drowsiness that still hasn't quite left him after he woke up or maybe his mind creating some kind of delusions, but Peter's eyes seemed to say 'I don't know, but I'm going to make sure we're alright.'

The boy couldn't quite grasp the fact that it seemed to calm him down. After things took a turn for the worse a year ago, Edmund rarely looked to Peter for reassurance anymore. Of course, there were some times when he did so, not being able to just stop doing that altogether and in those moments Peter knew exactly what to do or say to calm him down. But it stopped being natural to them and over the course of the last year those moments were so few that he could count them on the fingers of one hand.

That's why every time they happened he was caught off guard. His thoughts were getting mixed up and he didn't know what to think of his brother after all. Should he let him back inside, open up to him? Would he even understand? No, maybe not. Maybe he shouldn't risk it. He didn't dare hope that Peter would understand and show his vulnerability, only to get hurt over and over again. He would've preferred not to think about all those things. He would've loved for all those issues to just solve themselves, preferably overnight. But life is not that simple and it never gives what you want.

The train started moving again. Edmund sighed quietly and propped his chin on the palm of his hand. 'I'm sighing an awful lot today, aren't I?' He wondered, closing his eyes. He didn't want to think anymore. It was tiring him out, the way he was overthinking every single thing. Escaping his pitfalls and relishing in the freedom of the blissful slumber once more - that was all he needed. Thankfully, the drowsiness was still there, making it easier to fall into the hands of Morpheus and soon enough the boy was long lost to the world of dreams, oblivious to the harsh and cruel world surrounding him.

* * *

So that was chapter 2! I'll try to upload the next chapter in a few days hopefully, but I have a few tests coming up and I also need to catch up on schoolwork because I'm sick, so I don't know how that's going to work out, but I'm gonna try.

Anyways, thank you a lot for reading, I hope you enjoyed it, please let me know what you liked about it - and if you liked it at all - and also maybe what you didn't like, it really helps me with writing.

Untill next time!


End file.
